Have a friend or family member who cancels and changes plans often, has unexplained injuries, apologizes and makes excuses for her or his partner’s behavior, is excessive in calling and texting their partner or has sudden changes in mood or personality? Perhaps the friend is overly anxious, guilty, defensive, depressed and feeling helpless and hopeless. Perhaps she or he is intentionally seeking isolation from friends, family or activities.
These behaviors may indicate he or she is living in a situation of domestic abuse. These are just a few of the warning signs.
One place to turn for help or to refer them to is the Jewish Coalition Against Domestic Abuse (JCADA). This organization provides services to all residents of the Greater Washington D.C. community and a hotline to call for answers to questions and places where they can get help and support. Located in Rockville, JCADA supports the victims of domestic abuse and their children, educates community professionals about domestic abuse and appropriate responses to it and works to prevent future domestic abuse by raising awareness.
“Our organization has been supporting those who are in domestic violence situations for more than 15 years,” said JCADA Legal Access Program Director Spencer Cantrell. “We provide free services, including crisis counseling, specialized counseling for teens and young adults, safety planning, group therapy, alternative therapy groups such as art or yoga, a confidential hotline, assistance with basic necessities, financial planning, emergency cell phones and a legal access program. We try to be as holistic as possible. We are currently working with middle, high school and college youth on the Prevention piece. We lead Healthy Friendships training with the emphasis on ‘It’s Not Love,’ anti-bullying and dating awareness.”
He continued, “The most dangerous time is when someone chooses to leave the home. We work with our clients to empower them to make their own choices about what’s best for themselves and their families. Ninety percent who choose to leave have not returned because they are supported and given whatever they need to move themselves to a safer environment. Our goal is to be a safety net and make certain the family has what they need. We do not provide shelter, but we assist them to locate affordable housing. We are also careful not to duplicate services among the other area service agencies. We work together as a unit to provide the best assistance for our clients.”
JCADA has three full-time clinicians, two full-time volunteers, interns and a staff which has doubled in the past year. The organization is funded mostly from private donations, grants and Montgomery County support. Cantrell said that “People can donate any amount and their donations will all be put to good use. People donate $20-$1000 and with that and our other funding, we are able to serve our community. Donations are a substantial part of our budget.”
Cantrell added, “For the first 10 years, the majority of our referrals came from JCADA signs placed in women’s restrooms, from the Jewish Community Center and from rabbis and ministers. Now the referrals come from school counselors, rabbis, ministers, family members, friends — from a caring person in the community or when the victim learns about JCADA and makes their own call to the hotline. Our services are free and we serve all religions, same-sex relationships and anyone who is concerned about their loved one or friend. Call us — each situation is different and we want to connect the individual with services and to educate them that they do not deserve abusive treatment and can make changes in their life.”
What can be done to support a friend who is in an abusive relationship? Listen with patience, but not judgment, share concerns for their safety and well-being, acknowledge their feelings, but do not blame, judge or pressure them to leave – it could put them in more danger. Encourage them to make their own decisions. Offer to help them find a counselor, teacher or parent they can trust and volunteer to accompany them. Urge them to call the JCADA’s helpline — or call it for additional suggestions. Often it takes months or years before a victim decides to leave, so the victim may remain in the situation longer than advisable. However until she or he is prepared and confident that leaving is the best decision, his or her friend must maintain the relationship and give them love and friendship.
The JCADA needs help with funding and donations are encouraged. JCADA is holding an Attorney-Network Friendraiser on Thursday, Sept. 22 at McMillan Metro PC, 7811 Montrose Road, Suite 400 in Potomac. If able to attend, respond to jcada.org/RSVP. Light refreshments will be served. There is no charge to attend the event, but in-kind donations of Gift Cards from Target, Safeway, Giant, etc for the clients will be accepted.