“I thought if I loved him enough, he would change.”
Jasmine Witcher, interim executive director for the Bethany House domestic violence shelter, says she hears these words all the time. Since 1979, Bethany House has been one of Alexandria’s non-profit organizations devoted to taking in victims of domestic abuse and helping them rebuild their life.
Bethany House has a busy holiday schedule lined up. For Thanksgiving, the group gives families who’ve been in the shelter a turkey and traditional side dishes, all donated by Lockheed Martin in bags provided by Alexandria’s Whole Foods. Bethany House relies heavily on local donations, particularly from businesses, civic groups, and church congregations. Bethany House operates on a budget of $700,000, 85 percent of which goes directly into providing services. With a paid staff of nine, Bethany House is primarily run by volunteers.
Currently Bethany House is attempting to raise funds for an additional four bedrooms and new kitchen space for their oldest and smallest shelter; renovations are estimated to cost $500,000, 71 percent of their usual budget. Bethany House currently operates two emergency shelters and can accommodate 10 families, up to 25 individuals, but says there is a demand in the community for more.
“The need is great,” said Witcher. “If we added 20 more beds, they’d be filled tomorrow.”
Even if Bethany House is unable to provide shelter, the organization offers additional resources. In emergency cases where the victim is in immediate danger and no room at the shelter is available, Bethany House will contact a local hotel and provide a temporary respite until a more permanent housing situation can be found.
While many domestic abuse shelters offer victims a temporary home for 30-45 days, Witcher says Bethany House separates itself from others by engaging in a four- to six-month program that focuses on establishing self-sufficiency. Bethany House helps women find jobs and affordable housing once they have left the program.
“We are committed to making sure these women are self-sufficient,” said Witcher. “30-45 days is not long enough to literally rebuild your life. We also provide a two-year active care program. If you have a job at McDonalds and have two or three children to support, that can be very difficult.”
Alexandrians Involved Ecumenically (ALIVE!), another Alexandria non-profit organization, also operates a home for victims of domestic abuse. Families that come to ALIVE can live in the shelter for one or two years. The shelter, built in 1972, was originally operated as a homeless shelter but evolved into a domestic violence shelter. The facility currently houses four mothers and 10 chldren.
“The objective is to provide case management and help with the situations that led them there,” said Kenneth Naser, retiring executive director. “We’re trying to deal with the issues that brought them here in the first place. We want to get them into permanent and stable housing.”
ALIVE’s budget this year is $1.4 million, which includes the cost of its child development center for economically disadvantaged families, its most expensive program to operate. While some revenue comes from parent fees, Virginia pre-school initiative funds, and city subsidies, ALIVE is still heavily reliant on donations and volunteers.
“More than 93 percent of our budget goes directly into programs because the organization is primarily volunteers, with the exception of the pre-school which requires paid staff for licensing,” said Naser, estimating that the organization had at least 700 permanent volunteers. “When you’re in the business of giving food and giving financial assistance away, money is always an issue.”
At Bethany House, events around the holidays are part of building a healthy community and giving the women and children a sense of normality. One of their major projects every year is a “Christmas Shop” where new items donated by local stores of individuals are arranged to allow families to browse through the selection of potential gifts as if they were shopping at any other store.
Recent awareness to the issue of domestic violence following the video of NFL player Ray Rice physically assaulting his girlfriend has created a problem Bethany House did not anticipate.
“Like many shelters, we’ve seen an increase in calls to our helpline as more people become aware of domestic violence, but there hasn’t been an increase in the volunteer or financial support,” said Witcher. “We cannot keep pace with the demand we have.”
Bethany House usually sees a surge in donations and volunteers around the holidays, but Shelli Vasser Gilliam, a fundraising consultant with the organization, said that domestic violence is a year-round issue.
“That need also goes for the other 10 months of the year, not just November and December,” said Gilliam. “We would love to have time and skills and talents in those other 10 months.”
While both organizations have religious affiliations, Witcher says that Bethany House does not exclude applicants for assistance due to sexual orientation, religious faiths, race or other background. The organization offers spiritual counseling and a Bible study, but says they would never actively push people into those programs. Witcher says counseling, even without any religious affiliation, is one of the most valuable programs Bethany House offers.
““It’s hard to move forward when you’re still dealing with the emotional scars,” said Witcher.
After three and a half years of working in Bethany House, Witcher and Gilliam both said they’ve developed more compassion and empathy for women in domestic violence situations.
“Having worked in this field, you begin to understand it’s not as easy as just picking up your things and leaving,” said Witcher. “People think that if they stay, things will change, but it won’t. [The abuser] is violent, then they’re sorry, and it won’t happen again … until the next time it does.”
“It’s gratifying to see what an organization can do to help lift people up and see them be self-reliant,” said Diane Charles, Naser’s replacement as the incoming executive director of ALIVE.
Donations to Bethany House and ALIVE can be made at bhnv.org or alive-inc.org/donations.htm.