Chuck Coffin of Virginia Run knew instantly that he wanted to learn more about Mary the moment he first set eyes on her 20 years ago, while stationed at the Warner Robins Air Force Base in Georgia.
"I was walking down the hall looking for my destination," he said. "And then I saw this beautiful lady off to the right with her back to me. When she turned around, I was immediately interested."
NOW HIS WIFE of 18 years, Mary Coffin chuckles when she thinks back on that first meeting. "He was wooing me," she says. "I wasn't really interested at first." Still, the two exchanged phone numbers and spoke regularly. It may have seemed unlikely that Chuck from Philadelphia and Mary from Buena Vista, Ga., would have so much in common, but shortly after meeting and getting to know each other over the phone, Chuck invited Mary to a Christmas party. During the next few months they discovered that they valued similar characteristics, shared the same religious beliefs, and fell hopelessly in love.
"I liked that she was very conversational. When she was in a room with a crowd she could hold her own," Chuck said. Mary also valued Chuck's ability to be independent and sociable. "But at the same time, he never forgot who he came with," said Mary, smiling. "He was always a gentleman — very concerned and caring."
Almost two years later, Chuck proposed to Mary in church during a morning worship service. A strong spiritual foundation has been important for both of them, and they attribute their stable and loving marriage to their relationship with the Lord. "We have a unanimous understanding that God is first," says Chuck.
While every relationship has its ups and downs, Mary believes faith enables them to not only maintain a wonderful marriage, but also to overcome life's obstacles. When challenges arise and they are faced with bumps along the road Mary says, "I think to myself, He got us this far and He is not going to leave us now."
FOR ALL of the young couples thinking about getting married Chuck and Mary, 51, and 46 respectively, have some practical advice they would like to share. The most important thing is to get counseling from a pastor or a professional before getting married. "It is important to understand where each person is coming from. You should know the other person's dreams and aspiration," says Mary. It isn't necessary to agree with your partner or have the same answers, but without a third party asking questions, tougher topics don't always come up during what Mary calls the "goo goo, ga ga" or honeymoon stage of a relationship.
"Once you say, 'I do,' it is kind of late to say, 'oh, I wish I knew that,'" says Chuck.
Another thing the Coffins believe is essential, especially after having children, is maintaining close relationships with immediate and extended relatives from both sides of the family. As the parents of five sons, now between the ages of 32 and 20, the Coffins wanted their children to know and feel comfortable with all of their family members, including aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. "I want my sons to be able to call family members with problems or just to talk," said Mary.
In addition to mixing with both sides of the family, Mary always made sure she was contributing to her family by making sure everyone was fed, keeping a decent home, and working outside of the home to contribute financially. Even now Mary works as a federal civil servant at the National Geospatial Intelligence Agency while Chuck works as a defense contractor/consultant at the Defense National Stockpile Center at Fort Belvoir.
But now that their youngest son is a sophomore in college, the Coffins are enjoying a new time in their marriage. Raising children from the start of their marriage, the Coffins are looking forward to spending time with just each other for the very first time.
"Now we can say, 'hey, let's go," says Chuck. "I'm looking forward to being the newlywed man!" To celebrate this new stage in their marriage, the Coffins are doing something totally different for Valentine's Day this year. "We're going out of town just the two of us," says Mary.