The following is a public apology to the readers of the Connection Newspapers from the papers film critic, Matthew Razak.
Dear Reader:
I am sorry a review of “Because I Said So” could not come out a week ago, before the film was released. This is because reviews are not allowed to run before the day of release and this newspaper, being a weekly, goes to print too early.
I specifically apologize to those readers who were duped into seeing this film, full of the hope that Diane Keaton, Lauren Graham, Piper Perabo, Mandy Moore and the director of “Heathers” would deliver to them a film that is clever, innovative, and contains at least one wonderfully written mother/daughter relationship full of "Gilmore Girls"-esque conversations and laughs.
Because had this review come out one week earlier, I could have informed you that all of the above is completely lacking from this film. You would have known that Diane Keaton acts more like an over-obsessive 5 year old than a caring mother, as she desperately tries to set her daughter (Moore) up with the perfect man. (Seriously, who doesn’t know how to close a program on their computer? It's 2007, and Ms. Keaton is not that old.)
You surely would not have attended the film if I had just been able to warn you in time how squandered Lauren Graham and Piper Perabo are — the former having none of the wit and charm she does on her previously aforementioned television show, and the latter being so useless to the plot that I am absolutely positive that at some point in the early stages of filming her character did not actually exist.
You poor souls who had to suffer through the most horrendously acted, written, shot and developed “embarrassing public make-up speech” (delivered by Gabriel Macht to Mandy Moore in front of a crowd of 80 year olds) ever put to film. For that, I apologize, but also for not warning you about so much more. From the furniture arranging montages, to the “we’re so open” sister/mother discussions about sex, to the groan inspiring cut-aways to a cute dog's reaction, the film doesn’t project a single original thought. All this from a director, Michael Lehmann, who created the most deliciously satirical comedy of the 1980’s!
Do not blame yourself if you bought a ticket for this movie. It looked like it had so much going for it: cast, director, even two competent screenwriters.
Blame me, and accept my humble apology for not warning you sooner. Had I, you could have turned down viewing the movie without so much more as a 'because I said so' and received at least a chuckle from your friends, which is far more than they got out of the movie.
Sincerely,
— Matthew Razak