With seven young children to raise, finances were a constant struggle for Elsa and Dave Armendaris. They even spent six years living in the basement of a relative's home, just to make ends meet.
FINALLY, TWO years ago, they were able to rent a home in Clifton and, last year, they bought it. Things were looking up. Then in April, Dave, 39, was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL).
"I don't know what I'd do if I lost him," said Elsa, 32. "He's our everything; he's my best friend, my partner. If I start crying, the kids would see there's something wrong, and they'd cry, too. They know Daddy's getting strong medicine to help him, and we tell them that he's going to be OK."
But fighting the disease takes money. Besides worrying about Dave's health, the family is inundated with medical bills. He worked for Fairfax Auto Body for 21 years, but is now unable to do so while he undergoes lengthy chemotherapy treatments.
"Dave does not have short-term or long-term disability [insurance], and his out-of-pocket medical expenses will continue to soar," said his sister, Jane Armendaris Gross of Vienna. And even before his illness, Elsa began doing daycare in their home — looking after an additional seven children — to help pay their normal bills.
"WITH SEVEN children, it's paycheck to paycheck," she explained. "We couldn't afford to have the disability insurance. We were only thinking about injuries at work — not this, or anything where he'd be out of work for this long. We weren't thinking of cancer."
Gross said a bone-marrow transplant may be necessary, depending on the outcome of Dave's chemotherapy. "We met with the top, bone-marrow transplant doctor at Johns Hopkins [Medical Center], and [Dave's siblings are] all being tested for a bone-marrow match," she said. But right now, said Gross, "My brother's biggest concern is not knowing what the financial future holds for his wife and seven children."
Toward that end, his nine siblings plus close friends have organized a Friends of Dave fund-raiser for Saturday, July 30, from 6-10 p.m. at the Arlington/Fairfax Eks Lodge, 8421 Arlington Blvd. in Fairfax. It's open to the public, and through this event, said Gross, "The community and Dave's co-workers, friends, family members, church members, neighbors and new friends in the community can help alleviate some of the financial strain."
It's $20/person, and attendees will enjoy a buffet dinner with cash bar and have the opportunity to bid on silent-auction items and purchase raffle tickets. And representatives of the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society will be on hand to promote awareness and education about the disease.
AUCTION ITEMS include: Two weeks' accommodations for six people (travel and meals not included) at a villa in St. Maarten; Washington Nationals baseball tickets, golf packages, autographed NASCAR memorabilia, original paintings, auto detailing, high tea for two at the Bailiwick Inn in Fairfax, a gourmet dinner for four in the winner's home, concert tickets, restaurant gift certificates, Anheuser-Busch theme basket with tickets to theme parks, spa- and movie-themed baskets and a night and breakfast at Middleburg's Red Fox Inn.
In addition, donations (which are not tax-exempt), registrations for the fund-raiser and words of encouragement are received at Friends of Dave, P.O. Box 143, 43053 Pemberton Square, South Riding, VA 20152. Visit www.FriendsOfDave.net or e-mail kdalton1@cox.net for more information.
"He's humbled, yet grateful, that those closest to him have gone to such great lengths to arrange this event on behalf of himself, his wife and children, during their time of need," said Gross. "And he's cherishing each moment with his wife and family."
It's a blended family, with children ages 3-12. Diana, almost 13, is a rising eighth-grader at Robinson; Matthew, 10, (who lives with his mom in Springfield, but spends weekends with his dad Dave) is a fifth-grader at Cardinal Forest Elementary; and Kyle, 8, Tyler, 7, Lisa, 6, and Samantha, 5, will be in fourth grade, second grade, first grade and kindergarten, respectively, at Clifton Elementary. Laura, 3, is the youngest.
Elsa and Dave both worked for Fairfax Auto Body, at Fairfax Circle, and that's where they met. He was the shop foreman at the time and became the manager, two years ago. "He was very responsible, " said Elsa. "And he made me laugh. He used to make excuses to come by and see me."
SHE WAS in her early 20s and already had toddler Diana when they met. "I was ready for a serious relationship, and he wanted to get married and raise a family," she said. "Dave is a loving family man," added Gross. "He's always joking. He's a strong, level-headed person and a fun and happy guy."
Their own father, Alex Armendaris, who raised his 10 children in McLean, died in 1992 of a brain tumor. Their mother, Glenda Armendaris, 70, lives with oldest son Mark in Falls Church. "Dave reminds me a lot of our father, the way he is with his kids," said Gross. "He's a good father and has well-behaved, loving kids."
With money always tight for Elsa, Dave and the children, entertainment consists of picnics, hikes and drives through the mountains. The family also enjoys camping at Yogi Bear Campground in the Shenandoahs. "We went there almost every Halloween," said Elsa. "Our camper was the only way we could afford a vacation together."
Now, though, the focus is on getting Dave well again — although, admittedly, he has some tough odds to overcome. The life expectancy for his type of leukemia is one to three years, and doctors say he has a 35-percent chance of being completely cured without a recurrence.
"He was surprised — he thought he had better odds," said Gross. "But he wants to be here for his wife and kids, and I'm hoping he'll be one of the lucky ones to beat it."
Dave's symptoms began in April. "He'd been complaining about a week that he was tired and felt sick," said his wife. "He was outside doing yardwork and was sweaty and out of breath after about five minutes. The next day, he noticed a bump on his right elbow."
The day after that, the bump was swollen and red and, said Elsa, "Somebody suggested he see a doctor because it could be a spider bite." His doctor sent him to Inova Fair Oaks' emergency room for tests and, three days later, he learned what he had. He spent the next 2 1/2 weeks in the hospital.
"WHEN I WENT to the hospital that night [after he was diagnosed], he told me," said Elsa. "He just broke down and said, 'They said it's cancer.' And I thought, 'Oh, my gosh — the kids; what's gonna happen?' The first few days were very shocking, with lots of crying and emotion. After that, he said, 'You can't think the worst. You've gotta be positive. We know what's wrong; now we have to deal with it."
And that's what their family's doing. Said Elsa: "I can't wait until this [whole ordeal] is over and I hear he's in remission." The chemo in his spine gives Dave terrible headaches and several days of nausea but, after three months of it, he now has it once — instead of three times — a week.
"The past couple days, he's been able to come out and say hi to the kids," said Elsa. "But when he gets those headaches, all he can do is just sleep them off." Still, although things are often "a big challenge, hard and hectic," she said the family's doing its best to get through it all.
The children all know about Dave's illness. "Even Lisa knows what's going on, but not how serious it is," said Elsa. "They have an uncle who passed away from cancer, three or four years ago, and sometimes Tyler comes up to me and asks if his Dad will die from cancer. I tell him 'No, because Daddy's strong and he's gonna fight for us,' and that, no matter what, I'll be here for them always. And then I'll name off all his aunts and uncles who'll help out, too."'
Actually, she said, they've all come together already and "helped in every way possible. And I'm so busy with all the kids and everything — especially now in summer with 14 kids home all day long — that I try not to think about it. But when I'm alone in the car, that's when it hits me."
At times, said Elsa, she wonders, "Why us, with seven children? Why now that we were able to buy this house? I pray and pray, and I know God has plans — but it's hard to think which plans those are. But we just have to have faith and know he'll get better. I know God has better plans for us in the future."
SHE SAID their neighbors have been wonderful, and one even makes meals. And members of their church, Community Bible Church in Fair Lakes, have also brought food and checked up on them, as have some of her daycare children's parents. So, said Elsa, "God is looking after us, and it's great to be surrounded by nice, caring people."
As for her husband, he said, "A lot of my strength comes from my faith and from my kids, wife and family — including my brothers and sisters. And friends and family have really stepped up."
He said the leukemia has definitely tested him, but "I'm the pillar of my family and I have to be strong for them; I've got no choice." And once he's in remission, said Dave, his odds for survival increase with each passing year.
He said his body's responded well to the chemo and he's optimistic about the future. "I'm going to do what the doctors tell me to do and keep myself in the best shape I can," he said. "And I tell myself I'm gonna be one of the 35 percent — one of the ones who's gonna pull through."