When 4-year-old Drake Marshall and Chandler, 2, hear their mother's name, they will think of people laughing and hear the clink of tea cups.
This is what single father Donn Marshall wants.
"That's a better way to think about her. If they have to search for memories, at least they will have positive memories of people laughing, and they'll associate [the laughter] with her. That's what kind of person Shelley was," Donn said.
Donn organized a fund-raising gala on Sept. 7, choosing the Selma Plantation in Leesburg, since that was where he and Shelley Ann Marshall married on May 20, 1994.
"Usually the bride and groom are the first to leave, [but] we closed the place down that night," Donn said. "It's a big old plantation house with a huge central ballroom. It's big enough that it feels big and cozy at the same time."
Donn said he does not want a moment of silence during the gala event. "There is time for that on Sept. 11. What I want is moments of laughter," he said.
Donn lost Shelley on Sept. 11, 2001, when she was working at the Pentagon in the area where one of the hijacked airplanes struck. She did not survive the attack, along with the six other people who were in the same office at the time.
Donn, whose office is near the Pentagon, pulled their children out of the day-care facility next door but could not find her that day. "That was the happiest moment of my life, finding my kids, then it turned on a dime," Donn said.
THE NEXT DAY, a grief counselor visited Donn to tell him the most important thing he could do was to give his sorrow meaning. Donn decided to start a foundation in Shelley's name and called it the Shelley A. Marshall Foundation.
"A lot of the things that we're doing, she did," Donn said.
Donn and Shelley both liked creative writing, so the foundation sponsors creative writing awards at colleges and high schools. Since Shelley liked to read to Drake and Chandler, the foundation provides funds for children's reading programs and other activities at public libraries in Shelley's hometown of Vienna and in Morgantown, W.Va., which is Donn's hometown and Shelley's second hometown.
"She was an excellent mother and was concerned about their [Drake and Chandler] being exposed to learning and becoming enthusiastic about reading," said Phyllis Marshall, Don's mother and a Morgantown resident.
Shelley believed tea dissipates tension and found the way people talk as they drink tea to be "fascinating," acting more eloquent as they hold the fine, delicate china, Donn said. So the Foundation funds tea parties in nursing homes, bringing together nursing-home residents and high-school students at quarterly events held in the same two towns.
"What the Foundation is doing is a lot to foster the things we forget to focus on, [like] the elderly," Phyllis said. "We're creating a little bit of happiness for these people. We'd like to do more."
THE SHELLEY A. MARSHALL FOUNDATION provides funds for a children’s reading program at the Patrick Henry Library in Vienna and tea parties at the Sleepy Hollow Manor Nursing Home in Annandale.
The Patrick Henry Library started a monthly storytelling concert series last March to be held during the school months. The library hires both professional and non-professional storytellers to tell stories from their cultures or that have been passed down through their families.
“We’ve gone back to a traditional storytelling program,” said Dede Pruett, branch manager of the library. “With storytelling, it’s words, sounds and each person has to envision what that story means. That’s the beauty of storytelling. That’s what we’re trying to bring back.”
The family-oriented program is “what Shelley was all about” with her love of family, children and libraries, Pruett said.
Also in March, the foundation began funding tea parties for residents of the Sleepy Hollow Manor Nursing Home. Family and friends of the Marshalls set up tea tables using china donated to the foundation, then serve tea and refreshments to the residents.
“It gives them [the residents] an opportunity to socialize with other people … other than regular visitors and family,” said Shelley Clayton, activities director. “It’s a moment to be with friends and family and reflect on what happened.”
Donn hopes to expand the Foundation's activities to Loudoun County, where he and Shelley had wanted to move this spring from their home in Marbury, Md. Funds raised at the gala will be used to help with the outreach effort.
"The key for me is it has Shelley's name on it, so it's not going to fail," Donn said about expanding to Loudoun.
DONN MET SHELLEY while they both worked in the Office for Human Resources at the Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA) in Arlington, where Donn still works. In 1987, Shelley received a bachelor's degree in public administration from George Mason University, then joined the DIA as a human resources manager. Six years later, she became an administrative officer for the Counterdrug Analysis Office, staying there until 1999, when she took a position at the Comptroller’s Office.
"Shelley was a lovely girl in so many respects. It's hard to pinpoint Shelley," Phyllis said. "She had compassion and spirit. She loved her family a great deal. I think all of us feel her loss."
Donn said Shelley did not want to live an ordinary life. "She wanted to live an extraordinary life, and we did that in the short space she was there," he said. "She loved fiercely, lived passionately and left us a hero. ... If you were her family, she liked you, or you were a friend of hers, she would do anything in the world for you."
Donn believes there has never been a husband more loved than himself. "She loved with abandon," Donn said. "It's an amazing thing. Since Sept. 11, there have been so many strange things that happen to let me know she's OK."
Donn said he has had a hard time with the loneliness and not being with the woman he loves. "Everything is much more dull. I've got the kids, and I can't let them see a dull world. They have to see something else," he said. "Thanks to people and their generosity, I can make the kids' lives extraordinary. Thank-you doesn't begin to describe how I feel."
Shelley said finding something to be passionate about is needed in life, Donn said. "Keeping her memory alive and helping people, that's something I can be passionate about," he said.