Cyndy Guarino to reads Jake, her beloved companion of 15 years, as they celebrate his life and prepare to say goodbye. Photo by Kathy Reiter
For many who are pet owners, grieving the loss of a companion animal can be more of a challenge than any human loss people have faced. One of the main reasons for this is that your animal was such a major part of your life, daily routine, and existence. Questions that surface are: What do I do now? How am I going to survive this pain? Do I get a new pet or wait? My Rx: Seek bereavement support through a local animal shelter group to discover that you are not alone and to find the answers to your questions.
Why is pet loss so hard on humans? Unlike many of our human relationships, our pets love us unconditionally and do not judge us. Once one has experienced the joy of that human-animal companion bond, the loss of those reciprocated feelings and friendship over the years can be devastating. Unfortunately, some people who don’t have pets perceive our behavior as abnormal, not recognizing that for years our “best friend” has been a major part of our life.
On another level, many religions do not acknowledge that animals have souls. The decision to euthanize a pet takes great courage, yet is the greatest gift and testimony of our love. We are ending our pet’s pain and suffering.
The most important thing grieving pet owners can do is to acknowledge that they are in pain. If one dodges one’s feelings and does not overtly express them, both physical and emotional illness can occur. Grieving compromises the immune system; it is very important to get adequate rest, nutrition, and exercise during these times.
Everyone grieves uniquely in his own way and at his own pace. What may console one person may not work for another. If your pet died suddenly, and you did not get a chance to say good-bye, consider writing the animal a letter to express your feelings. As with human loss, having a memorial service is also beneficial, as it marks the formal beginning of the grieving process. Your service can be as simple as saying a few words, collecting photos, lighting a candle, or putting your pet’s collar on your rear view mirror.
Over time memories fade. Write down as many of those memories as you can of your pet’s life. This bereavement exercise will help your emotions surface. Yes, you may cry — that’s the goal of this task. When you feel you are ready, begin replacing those memories of pain with the hundreds of memories that brought you joy. If you find you do not have anyone who understands your situation, consider attending a pet loss bereavement and support group at a local animal shelter or individual coaching to better help you cope with your loss.
Kathy Reiter leads support groups at the Animal Welfare League of Alexandria on the first Wednesdays of each month (the next session is scheduled for 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 5) and the third Wednesday of the month at the Fairfax County Animal Shelter. For details, go to www.alexandriaanima… or http://www.fairfaxc…