The Connection

Where else can one get advice for $1? Perhaps only Lucy from The Peanuts comic strip can offer a better deal with her 5-cent bill.

Each week the group Because I Love You (B.I.L.Y.) meets to discuss the problem behaviors of their children. Members share stories and give advice to other parents on what methods have worked for them while new members get support from those who have dealt with similar problems — all for a $1 donation. Many members say they should have joined earlier or wished they had know about this support group before a crisis happened with their children.

At first, some members are reluctant to share their stories with others. But after they do, they do not feel as alone, their problems not as monumental. Most of all they appreciate someone to listen and relate to the issues they are dealing with. The issues with their children vary from messy rooms, neglected chores and low grades to drug and alcohol addiction and runaways. Many parents share that the problems they are dealing with today are things they never had to deal with when they were children. The problems seem so big.

One member suggested that when people have a problem with their children they need to try one small step. Much like a mobile when one piece moves, the rest of the mobile needs to move. They are looking for ideas and changes that force their children to make changes. Their advice to other parents is to stand firm and together with their spouse to present a unified front. Traditional therapy doesn’t always work for these children. Many parents do not have strategies to deal with the behavior. The traditional consequences become meaningless. They say the key is to love the child but not the behavior.

One parent feels the support she got at B.I.L.Y. helped her. Before she came to the meetings, things at home were hard and she had no support, was very distressed, and dealing with broken-heartedness. The group helped her and her husband deal with their reaction to their son. The group allowed her to express herself without judgement. All the parents in the group feel a sense of guilt; they feel the problems with their children is their fault.

The group wants people to know they are not alone and encourages people to come to a meeting. Members will learn to change their reaction to the behavior. Before coming to B.I.L.Y. many did not know how to handle the situation. The first step empowers members to make a change. Many feel that by sharing “this is what worked for me,” it gives others a better perspective on how to manage their family.

The members know it is hard to go through this alone and the group has become a lifeline for parents who struggle. They also find good laughs and release. They want the community to know they are here, available and will support and give advice to them from their experiences.

Because I Love You (B.I.L.Y) is a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting parents of troubled children of any age. The group helps parents deal with drugs, runaways, truancy, verbal abuse, physical abuse, curfew violations and other misbehavior. But most of all they help parents deal with themselves, to manage and live their own lives without obsessing over their child's behavior. The group meets from 7:30 to 9:30 every Thursday at Bethesda United Methodist Church Room 209 8300 Old Georgetown Road, Bethesda. For more for information visit www.becauseiloveyou.org or email hbrite1@netzero.com or call 301-530-3597.